


the quiet things that no one ever knows

by swisher201



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: FTM, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, but there's a happy ending i swear, nico is trans, sorry if this is terrible its like 12 am and im tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:05:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swisher201/pseuds/swisher201
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a short fic about nico and percy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	the quiet things that no one ever knows

The first time Percy Jackson walks in on her binding her chest, Clara's fifteen. She screams and cries for him to leave her alone, face hot in shame as she wails. Percy looks crushed as she pushes him out the door and slams it in his protesting face. She doesn't leave the cabin for the rest of the day and spends the time hiding under her sheets pretending she doesn't exist.

.

No one knew Clara felt this way about herself. No one knew she wasn't a girl, and no one saw the uncomfortable cringe whenever anyone addressed her by her assigned-at-birth gender. With no one to talk to and no way to get information about it, Clara had done the only thing she could: keep it as quiet as she could and pretend it wasn't happening.

She assumed it was just a phase when she was thirteen. She was a tomboy, there was nothing more to it. Until one day there was more to it. Puberty hit, and it was an all time low for Clara. Her breasts were coming in, and her hips were widening, and she could barely look at herself in the mirror without hating herself.

And then there was Percy Jackson. He had been there the whole time, but he had only just recently started  _noticing_ her. Rumors spread around camp, and a terrible red blush would creep up his cheeks anytime he came across her without warning, and Clara felt her heart sinking whenever she looked at him. He was her only friend, and she was lying to him. There was no way he would feel this way about her if he knew she was the way she was. A freak.

.

Clara is fourteen when Percy kisses her on the beach and admits to having been in love with her for some time. Clara smiles back and kisses him again, pretending for a few minutes that she's the  _girl_ Percy's in love with, and not some liar. Their relationship progresses from there, and Clara never bothers to tell him.

.

The first person Clara tells is her dad. He's grumpy on his throne, and Clara's throwing Cerberus a ball. He tells her she throws like a girl, an outdated insult because girls are not in any way a negative thing, and she snaps.

"I'm not a girl," she spits at him through gritted teach, years worth of pent up anger leaking out. She's probably snapping at the wrong person, but at the moment she doesn't care.

Hades blinks at her. "What did you say?"

She knows Bianca was his favorite, she knows he thinks she's a failure, but she can't help it. "I said, I'm not a girl," she says louder. He squints at her, and then she's crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a freak, I-" She's trying to wipe the tears away so she can go back to her room and pretend this never happened.

"Clara, I've seen bad things in my life, but this? This is not a bad thing. I'll tell you, when you live forever you see just about everything." Clara can't wipe her tears away fast enough. It's the closest thing to acceptance she's going to get from her dad. She's crying again, but for a different reason now and he pats her head and she goes to her room quietly.

Just before she leaves the next morning, Hades calls her his son, and she can't help but smile the whole trip home.

.

Transgender. Clara finally has a term for the discomfort in her own skin. It makes sense. Her and Percy go to his mom's house for Christmas, and she sneaks into a library in the middle of the night to use a computer. It's worth the fight with an  _empousa_ to find out who she is, and when she kisses Percy the next morning, her mind is buzzing with information.

.

Clara has to face Percy eventually after he sees her with the ace bandage. She finds him down by the lake the next morning sitting on the dock. She sits down next to him and they sit in silence for a few minutes. Finally, she can feel him looking at her, and she has to get it off her chest before she cries.

"I've, uh, been lying to you Perce. I'm not really the girl you think I am. I'm not really...a girl at all, actually. Before you say anything, I understand if this is weird to you, and if you don't want to be with me." She looks up at him, and he's smiling at her.

"You know, I kinda knew something was up when you never let me touch you or anything. I thought I was just a bad kisser-" Percy laughs, and Clara smiles, "-but thank you for telling me."

She turns back to the lake, and they watch the sun rise for a few moments. "So is this it?" She asks quietly, anxious for his answer. Percy throws his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side.

"Never. I love you, Clara. I'd be just as happy to have a boyfriend as I would be to have a girlfriend, especially if they're you." Clara smiles and kisses him and cries, and Percy laughs loudly and pulls her into the lake with him. They sink down, and it's probably one of the best underwater kisses of all times.

.

Percy lends Clara some of his clothes, just until she can get her own, and they start trying to pick out a name for her-no, him. Clara has one picked out, but she's afraid he'll think it's stupid.

"What about...Nico? I mean, it's kind of weird but it's Italian and I'm sure my dad would be happy if I picked an Italian name, you know, because of my mother?" They're laying on Percy's bed wearing his boxers and baggy t-shirts.

"It's beautiful. If you like it, I like it."

"Ok. Has anyone ever told you that you're the best boyfriend in the world?"

"Oh, just one boy, but he kind of sucks so..." Nico's eyes widen and he laughs loudly and hits his boyfriend lightly on the chest.

"I take that back, you're the  _worst_ boyfriend ever!" Percy makes a sound of protest and tackles Nico onto the bed. Their fight turns into a lot of kissing, and they have a lazy morning until Chiron catches Nico in the Poseidon cabin and threatens him with stable duty for a month if he catches him again.

Nico runs back to his cabin, and crosses the threshold for the first time as Nico di Angelo. He couldn't be happier.

.

Piper cuts Nico's hair short into a generic boy haircut. Now that there aren't feet of thick hair weighing it down, his hair springs into messy curls that Percy loves to play with. Nico finds it's easier to come out to people when he's holding Percy's hand, and he ends up telling Will at the end of the week after asking to start testosterone.

.

The truth is, Nico's put a lot of thought into getting surgery to remove his breasts. He thinks it would be too much of an ordeal to get rid of his vagina because that just isn't something he's ever been interested in. It isn't that he doesn't want a penis, he just doesn't mind not having one either. When Percy asks him about it, he shrugs and says he's never considered having that surgery.

"I love you any way that you decide to be, Nico."

"I love you too, Percy."

.

Percy is beautiful in every way, mean, or form. He's the kindest person Nico's ever met, and Nico can never stay mad at him for long even when he messes up. He's beautiful physically too, from his face to his lithe, muscled body, to the graceful way he moves when he's in water. Nico sits on the dock and watches him swim until he's just a speck on the horizon and smiles to himself. It's peaceful and Nico likes those moments of solitude to get to know himself.

.

Nico's seventeenth birthday rolls around and he disappears for a few days. Percy is used to this, but he's disappointed because he wanted to spend the day with Nico celebrating his first birthday  _as_ Nico. When Nico doesn't come back, Percy puts the flowers in a vase on his table and heads out to spar with Annabeth or Jason or whoever is available. He pouts, and wonders if Nico's mad at him for something. He does dumb stuff all the time because his brain is filled with kelp or whatever, but he hopes he didn't seriously mess up this time.

Nico comes back two days later. Percy spots him across the yard as he sneaks out of his cabin and frowns.

"Where were you?" He asks later, when he barges into the Hades cabin after breakfast. Nico jumps, obviously not expecting the sudden noise, and spins around. The anger melts away when he sees how afraid Nico looks. "I'm sorry I snapped kitten-" Nico's nose twitches at the nickname, "-I was just upset I didn't get to spend your birthday with you. Are you alright? Is something wrong?"

"I actually...my dad..." Nico frowns, unable to begin the thought. "Can I show you something?" Percy nods, and Nico's breath hitches. He's nervous, and Percy can see it. He does his best to soften his expression and make Nico feel comfortable. Long fingers are reaching for the hem of his t-shirt, lifting it above his waist and above his-

"Nico!" The shirt comes off, and Percy's eyes are glued to the scars that now stand out on Nico's chest. He shifts uncomfortably under the scrutiny. "When did you get this done?" Percy reaches out, hand pausing inches away, and Nico nods to the unspoken question. Percy's fingertips are feather-light on his chest, and Nico shivers away for a second.

"I got it done on my birthday. My dad-he paid for it as a gift, I guess."

"You didn't tell me."

"It was a surprise. Dad got it for me. I would have been home sooner but dad needed my help with a small assignment." Percy looks worriedly up at Nico, who smiles and presses his fingertips into Percy's arm. "He wanted me to help Persephone plant some of the flowers he's been designing for her. They can survive underground. I don't think she's been happier since, well, since before she met my dad."

Percy's hands are on Nico's ribcage now. "You don't mind the transition, right? I mean, I get it if you do-"

"Nico, I love it. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy too." He presses a kiss to Nico's lips, hands exploring the new expanse of skin. "You're beautiful, you know that?" Nico hums in the back of his throat and pulls Percy down onto the bed next to him.

Somehow Percy is ends up in his boxers, kissing down Nico's chest. He pauses at the waistband of Nico's blue plaid boxers. "Can I?" Nico throws his head back, nodding hurriedly. Percy presses one last kiss below his belly button and then starts to pull the boxers down. Nico lifts his hips up, shaking in anticipation. Percy nudges Nico's knees apart, sucking a mark on his hip, and pressing two fingers inside him. Nico squeals and jerks beneath Percy. He curls his fingers upwards and flicks his tongue over Nico's clit. Nico slaps a hand over his mouth to stifle to embarrassingly loud moan he lets out next. He comes, legs shaking and nearly sobbing. Percy leans up and kisses his boyfriend gently, painfully aware of how hard he as.

"Gods, Nico, please." Percy shudders when Nico palms him through his boxers. "How far-how far do you want to go?"

"Do you wanna-wanna have sex?"

"Gods, yes. Please, Nico, gods." Percy throws an arm over his eyes and lets Nico pull his boxers off and press a kiss to the base of his erection. He rolls a condom on, and then crawls back up to kiss Percy. He sinks down, swallowing the whimpering moans that escape Percy's mouth. Percy bucks his hips upwards, eliciting a moan from both of them.

Percy and Nico are sweaty by the time they both come, and Nico rolls off him tiredly.

"How was that for a first time?" He asks in a hoarse, wrecked voice and Percy grins.

"It was great, Neeks." He presses a wet kiss to Nico's forehead and pulls him close.

"Gross, you're sweaty, get off me." Nico pushed against his chest, but ended up curled against him anyways, exhausted and ready to pass out.

.

Nico is eighteen when he moves out of camp with Percy. They move into an house in Portland, quiet and away from all the noise. It's a nice vacation from being a demigod, just where they can be together and alone at the same time. They've both had enough of the war, of the violence and loss, and they're not even thirty yet. Hades helps pay for the house because he has no real concept of money anymore so when he hands Nico a chunk of diamond and some rubies, they're basically set for life. This doesn't stop Percy from getting a job at a local aquarium while Nico applies to go to college. They get a dog and a tank full of fish, and finally,  _finally_ , Nico feels like he can breathe. No one knows him here. He's just Nico to all of them, never Once-Was-Clara, and it feels so good.

.

Nico is twenty five when Percy proposes to him in their front yard while they're carrying in groceries. The ring is a simple gold band and Nico slips it onto his finger and smiles. Percy is down on his knee, saying all sorts of sappy stuff with a bright red blush creeping up his neck and cheeks, and Nico can't help the smile on his face.

"Yes, yes of course!"

"I love you."

"I can't believe you proposed while I was holding broccoli." Nico hits Percy lightly with it.

"Do you love me too?"

"Percy, gods, I just agreed to marry you, of course I love you." Percy's smile stretches across his face wide and happy, and he kisses Nico gently.

"Good, because I want to be old and wrinkly with you, Nico di Angelo."

And right there, the world seems to right itself. Everything is calm and still and beautiful, and Nico has never felt happier. He loves Percy more than anything, and he knows that he made all the right decisions. He thinks about that self-hating fourteen year old he used to be, and he realizes he hasn't hated himself in a while, not since he started being true to himself about who he was.

Nico walks into the house hand in hand with Percy, bending down to pet their dog, Wilhelmina, and to the couch where they curl together.

"How am I going to tell my mom that I'm getting married to the most wonderful person alive?"

Nico blushes and buries his head in Percy's shoulder while his fiancé laughs loudly. He breathes in the smell of Percy's soft, worn t-shirt. It smells like laundry soap and home and every good memory in the world.

"I can already hear Annabeth chastising me for how I proposed. Gods, she's still upset we didn't let her design our house."

Nico presses a kiss to Percy's shoulder. "She'll be fine."

"I know she will," Percy muses. His eyes are light and happy and his lips are tilted up in a smile.

Nico feels light inside his soul. This is where he belongs.

**Author's Note:**

> pls note that binding with ace bandages is actually very dangerous please use a binder!!


End file.
